The Focus of Mentoring

Subject: Listening
Theme: Being Aware of the Different Levels of Listening
Question: How can we Listen effectively?

Role Play

Various role plays to demonstrate different levels of listening.

Objective: Listening well is the key to effective mentoring relationships.

1. The “Me” Syndrome

In the book Coaching Ministry Teams: Leadership and Management in Christian Organizations - Ken Gangel quotes H.B. London Jr:

"Most leaders have little problem speaking but severe limitations when it comes to listening. A majority of the problems we face in the church occur because we usually communicate on a ‘me’ level.”

We certainly get so occupied with what we are “doing” because – as we talked about earlier – “we neglect our “being” – that when we engage in conversation with someone, it inadvertently becomes a discussion about “me.”

2. Demonstrating the Three Levels of Listening

Level 1: Self-centered Listening

• "What does this mean to me?”
• ∑Attention is on myself, my own needs, and what this conversation can do for me.

Level 2: Other-centered Listening

• "What does this mean to this person?”
• ∑Attention is on the other person, and what is being communicated.

Exercise: Level 2 Listening:

Your job in this exercise is to focus on what the other person is saying to you and to be able to give an accurate summary at the end of the person sharing what they shared with you!

Telling Your Life Story F11

Telling the story:

Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted, and take 30 minutes each to tell your stories. The goal here is just to get to know one another, not to minister or to give advice to the other person. Try to cover the important events in your journey that have shaped you and made you who you are today. Be real by sharing some failures and disappointments as well as the successes.

Clarifying Questions

Try to save any clarifying questions to the end so as not to interrupt the person’s story. However, fell free to ask questions that help you understand who the other person is.

Where to Start

If you aren’t sure where to start or what stories to tell about your life; here are some things to share to get you going:

• Your family background.
• Where you lived and what you’ve done – where you went to school, your jobs or ministry experiences, things you’ve accomplished, etc.
• Major turning points: moving, marriage, salvation, a new life stage, job, etc.
• Favorite stories that illustrate the everyday details of different phases of your life.
• Dreams you pursued, or situations where you discovered something about who God made you to be.
• Important experiences that shaped who you are and how you look at life.

Level 3: Intuitive Listening

• "What does this really mean?”
• Attention is on the other person, and the underlying meanings and significance of what is happening.

This level of listening focuses on the value of God initiating change in people. This is where the listener searches to hear what the Holy Spirit is doing in the life of the person. The listener taps into the Kingdom dynamic at work in the conversation.
This is certainly more difficult to re-create in a role play. Sometimes this can be demonstrated in a past failure shared with someone who will listen at a level 3 stage.

Roleplay:

Take the remaining 10 minutes and briefly share a failure in your life with each other. If you are the listener, try to listen being attentive to hear what may be something the Holy Spirit is trying to communicate through the failure in the other person’s retelling of the event.

Conclusion:

What is important in this approach is how you view the other person in the relationship. Acknowledging the legitimacy and importance of what the other person is sharing communicates acceptance and instills a sense of worth in that person.

Many times, when we come at a relationship with a Fix It attitude, we tend to be more judgmental in our approach. As disciples of Christ, we’ve been called to enter into relationships with a loving attitude.